So... Be kind to me/or treat me mean...
Ok, so this isn't gonna be one of those carefully planned, stylishly literary, sardonically funny posts (although I am already editing for word choice). This is more of a "let's fill cyberspace with some personal blog detritus." Not that friends, family (hi mom!), and secret crushes aren't interested all the same...
Anyway... Chaos! Last week was a bit off kilter and I still haven't quite shaken out the crazies yet (read: gotten blind drunk). I'm actually feeling pretty centered now though. I think we all need to grab life by the throat and give it a good shake every once in a while just to remind ourselves what our priorities are. Here's what fell out of life's pockets:
1.) Single again. I'm not getting into it here because it involves someone who has no say in the content of this blog, and that doesn't seem fair. Let's leave it at this: Hard, but under the circumstances it was necessary. It would have felt hollow and deceptive to keep going.
2.) The internships. I laid it down at Sacred Noise this week to the tune of, "I'm bored as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore." Ok, not really, because I want to keep my stellar reference from Michael intact, but I did give them a solid final day (the 5th, two weeks earlier than I initially told them). I'm so disengaged there; I spend all day reading blogs, appropriating their music and software libraries, and drinking beer (obviously it isn't all bad... I'm just crawling out of my skin with boredom). As for Joe's, well apparently I have some pull there now. Not only am I allowed to order steak for my comped meal (although I generally don't), but I can grab a few drink tickets for people I know. One of the bartenders is a total bitch sometimes, but I just tell myself that it's hard for her, in the dwindling autumn of her youth, to be around someone as vivacious and full of accumen as myself.
3.) The trip home. Coming back to Massachusettes is always a bit surreal. I see all these people whom I haven't been in regular contact with for years. In a sense we can sort of pick up where we left off because we have so much history, but I still feel lonely when I'm here. When I try to say something funny I just get blank stares or painful misunderstanding, like people can't even tell I'm joking. I spend a lot of time feigning interest in the conversation too. It's not that I don't care, I'd just rather be talking about which Kill Bill you liked better or how you feel about the Middle East, instead spouting an endless litany of Family Guy quotes.
So those are the gears grinding in my head right now. A least I'm being honest about it though. (Admitting you're not happy?!?! WEAKLING!!!!!) So here's hoping that by the end of summer I can go back to being an extraordinary machine.
Anyway... Chaos! Last week was a bit off kilter and I still haven't quite shaken out the crazies yet (read: gotten blind drunk). I'm actually feeling pretty centered now though. I think we all need to grab life by the throat and give it a good shake every once in a while just to remind ourselves what our priorities are. Here's what fell out of life's pockets:
1.) Single again. I'm not getting into it here because it involves someone who has no say in the content of this blog, and that doesn't seem fair. Let's leave it at this: Hard, but under the circumstances it was necessary. It would have felt hollow and deceptive to keep going.
2.) The internships. I laid it down at Sacred Noise this week to the tune of, "I'm bored as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore." Ok, not really, because I want to keep my stellar reference from Michael intact, but I did give them a solid final day (the 5th, two weeks earlier than I initially told them). I'm so disengaged there; I spend all day reading blogs, appropriating their music and software libraries, and drinking beer (obviously it isn't all bad... I'm just crawling out of my skin with boredom). As for Joe's, well apparently I have some pull there now. Not only am I allowed to order steak for my comped meal (although I generally don't), but I can grab a few drink tickets for people I know. One of the bartenders is a total bitch sometimes, but I just tell myself that it's hard for her, in the dwindling autumn of her youth, to be around someone as vivacious and full of accumen as myself.
3.) The trip home. Coming back to Massachusettes is always a bit surreal. I see all these people whom I haven't been in regular contact with for years. In a sense we can sort of pick up where we left off because we have so much history, but I still feel lonely when I'm here. When I try to say something funny I just get blank stares or painful misunderstanding, like people can't even tell I'm joking. I spend a lot of time feigning interest in the conversation too. It's not that I don't care, I'd just rather be talking about which Kill Bill you liked better or how you feel about the Middle East, instead spouting an endless litany of Family Guy quotes.
So those are the gears grinding in my head right now. A least I'm being honest about it though. (Admitting you're not happy?!?! WEAKLING!!!!!) So here's hoping that by the end of summer I can go back to being an extraordinary machine.
